201
by Scarlet Phlame
Summary: 51st anniversary. Daleks? Really-angry wives River and Rose? Clara? Both Doctors would pick the Daleks any day. ONESHOT. (I own nothing.)


**201**

* * *

"What are we looking for, again?"

"I dunno. Anything that's not unusual but not in its rightful place. Well, it may or may not be unusual. Never know. Haven't seen it yet."

"Is that all you're gonna tell me?"

"Pretty much."

"You mean... like that?"

The Tenth Doctor's duplicate looked up to see a blue box materializing on the sand of Bad Wolf Bay in front of them.

"Yeah," he said. "Like that."

Three people stumbled out of the TARDIS, coughing up smoke.

"Sorry," the Eleventh Doctor said, addressing Ten directly. "but have you got a handkerchief?"

* * *

(Cue Doctor Who theme song)

* * *

"Uh, yeah," Ten said, fishing a handkerchief out of his pocket and handing it to Eleven, who beamed.

"Brilliant!"

"And... who is this?"

"River. River Song," River said, extending her hand. Ten stared at her for a minute.

"Oh, wait, I remember you!" he said, shaking her hand happily. "River Song!"

He paused, then looked at her hand, then back at her face.

"You died," he said. He turned to Eleven. "She died!" he turned back to River. "You died," he said seriously.

"I'm obviously not dead," River said with a funny look on her face.

"No, no, of course not," the Eleventh Doctor said. "Maybe... he hit his head. Or something like that." he sent Ten a warning glare.

"I'm Rose," Rose said, extending a hand.

"I'm the Doctor's wife," both said simultaneously.

"Well," the Eleventh Doctor said, clapping his hands together and ignoring the aghast looks on Ten, River, and Rose's faces. "This is Clara Oswin Oswald."

"Hi," Clara said, waving.

"What are you... two doing here?" Rose asked finally.

"Someone made us come here," Eleven said. "I'm guessing it's someone along the lines of Steven Muffett or Steven Muppet or something. Spacial disturbances, also known as fangirls. FanFictions. Wholockians. Something like that."

"So you're River Song," Rose said, nodding. "Never heard of you before."

"Never heard of you before," River said with a funny look on her face.

Rose shot a glance at Ten.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I have never heard of a Rose," River said. "Ever," she added.

"Oh," Rose said. "Well, he's not mentioned you either. Only streams. Nothing remotely close to a river."

"It's only fitting he doesn't talk about me, because he's never met me," River scowled.

"I- uh, we have met," Ten said. "Later in your timeline?"

"Must be," Rose said, nodding. "There. So we're even."

"Guys? Daleks?" Eleven asked. "Weren't they also coming in for this episode?"

"Not now," Rose said. "I'm busy arguing with the Mary Sue over here."

"If anyone's a Mary Sue, it's you," River said.

"Why don't we all just... calm down?" Ten suggested.

"Likely," River snorted.

"So who are you supposed to be?" Rose asked Clara. "His... I dunno. Girlfriend?"

"No!" Clara exclaimed. "Not at all!"

Rose narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "How did you two meet?"

"He... came into my house. Dressed like a monk. And he took me into his snogbox!" Clara exclaimed, before pausing. "Oops. Shouldn't have added that last bit in, should I?"

"WHAT?!" both River and Rose yelped.

"She means my TARDIS," Eleven said. "She just thought it was a..." he winced. "Snogbox."

"Why would she think that?!" Rose demanded, before turning to Clara. "Why would you think that?!"

"I..." Clara stuttered.

"Did you kiss her?" River demanded. Eleven paled.

"Yes! I mean, no. I mean... maybe," he said.

"Rose," the Tenth Doctor said. "Ever been embarrassed by yourself?"

"I'm not embarrassing!" Eleven cried.

"Uh-huh," Ten said.

"Did you kiss her or not?" River demanded.

"Maybe."

"It's a simple question! Yes or no!"

"Yesnomaybeso," Eleven said.

River slapped him, turned, then slapped Ten as well. Clara leapt out of the way before she got slapped.

"Ow!" Ten yelled. "What'd you do that for?"

"Actually, I think I'll do that as well," Rose said, turning around and slapping Ten and Eleven.

"You never told me you were married!" Clara said, slapping Eleven and Ten as well.

Eleven and Ten looked at each other, then at the TARDIS, like they expected it to slap them as well. Then they looked back at Clara, River, and Rose.

Ten grabbed Eleven.

"Run," he said.

* * *

**_Author's note in story form:_**

**_(This isn't the actual story. Just me having some fun with the author's note.)_**

_"Hello," Samantha Morrison, formally known as Scarlet Phlame, said. "I'd like to thank you all for coming to the celebration of my 201st FanFiction!"_

_Clara stood up and raised her hand. "Why the 201st and not the 200th?"_

_"That's a very good question," Samantha said, chuckling. "It's the 201st because I think that 201 is a cooler sounding number than 200."_

_"Right." Clara sat back down, looking a little confused._

_"This party sucks," young Amy said after a while._

_"I only came for the dancing," the Tenth Doctor said, looking a bit embarrassed._

_"Agreed," Rose said. "But there isn't any dancing."_

_"Yet," Samantha told them with a wink, before stepping down from the stand._

_The Eleventh Doctor sat in the corner of the room, wearing an expression that said 'I think the only alien in here is the author'._


End file.
